


i can't believe they all understand memes

by TheLunarWitch



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Memes, Mentioned Murder, Swearing, Texting, Vines, al husk and niffty together are called the murder trio, al knows vines change my mind, al's bad time trio plays monopoly, alastor can play music from himself headcanon, but it isn't graphic, chatfic, i can't help myself with writing chatfics, i rant too much on tags help, i still don't know how to tag, im gonna make one just bcs of that smh, like ALOT, mentioned vox, niffty casually brings a pocket knife everywhere, one mention of dismemberment via alastor, probably OOC characters, the murder trio are lowkey wholesome but terrifying, this is all im gonna contribute to the fandom im sorry @ god, this is hell afterall, via alastor again, what do u MEAN there's no chatfics on here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21557116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLunarWitch/pseuds/TheLunarWitch
Summary: husk: this is so sad alastor play despacitoalastor: nohusk: fucker[aka, the hazbin crew is more meme and gen z than they let on apparently]
Relationships: Alastor & Husk & Niffty (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor & Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor & Niffty (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne & Everyone, Charlie Magne & Vaggie, Everyone & Everyone, Husk & Niffty (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 345





	1. whoops my hand slipped

**Author's Note:**

> did u guys know that the alastor & husk & niffty tag doesn't fucking exist i can't believe it  
> idk what the fuck to rate this relationship wise so i just picked gen bcs i can't fucking write romance
> 
> i am aware that al doesn't exactly like modern technology but this is fanfiction what the hell did you expect  
> and i made up an excuse for that which may appear later if people like this shit idk
> 
> i hope u guys can guess who is who just by the shit names i came up with
> 
> tomorrow's my birthday i just wanted to say that so i am lowkey kinda happy and that's the only reason why i decided to post this
> 
> god i should shut the fuck up in the tags and notes i keep flooding them with my talking

**_owo what's this?_ **

_[9:54 am]_

_[everyone is online]_

**_totally no drugs_** : did anyone else know that alastor had a phone or was i supposed to find out myself

**_raging lesbian_** : he has a _what_

**_almighty royalty_** : wait alastor has a phone??

**_totally no drugs_** : but he. doesn't know. the proper name of a tv

**_totally no drugs_** : _what_

**_almighty royal_** : how did you even find out???

**_totally no drugs_** : right so i was just chilling on the bar just drinking my cocktail and i just saw al walk by with a phone in hand and he was smiling a real smile??? i double taked but all i saw was him just. walking along without a phone and that creepy ass grin

**_totally no drugs_** : i remember that his phone case was like,,, red with striped top to bottom and a black deer face on the middle i think,,, im half sure that it had a dripping pattern

**_raging lesbian_** : why did you remember that tho

**_totally no drugs_** : because it looked hella cool

**_almighty royal_** : doesn't husk have a phone

**_raging lesbian_** : yeah? what are you thinking of

**_totally no drugs_** : _oh_

**_raging lesbian_** : oh. _oh_

**_raging lesbian_** : charlie,,, that is a vERY BAD IDEA

**_almighty royal_** : yes but we can have easier communications and also maybe know each other more?

**_totally no drugs_** : I GT HUSK'S NUMBER

_[ totally no drugs added husk into owo what's this?]_

**_husk_** : the fuck is this

**_totally no drugs_** : does alastor have a phone or was i just imagining shit

**_husk_** : is that all you added me for

**_totally no drugs_** : yes

**_husk_** : you know what

**_husk_** : yeah he does

**_husk_** : niffty too

**_totally no drugs_** : h AH

**_raging lesbian_** : but why haven't seen them with a phone

 ** _husk_** : because niffty is sneaky with using her phone and al just likes to make people disappointed and surprised by pretending to not know what a phone or tv is

 ** _totally no drugs_** : _that motherfucker_

 ** _almighty royal_** : do you, by chance, have his phone number

 ** _husk_** : who the fuck do you think i am

 ** _almighty royal_** : ~~add him~~

_[ husk added alastor and niffty to owo what's this?]_

_[ alastor is online]_

**_alastor_** : what did i do to deserve this

 ** _husk_** : you threw out my drink asshole

 ** _alastor_** : i only threw out the empty ones

 ** _alastor_** : niffty helped me

_[ niffty is online]_

**_niffty_** : wait,,, Some Were Empty??

 ** _husk_** : wh

 ** _husk_** : _betrayal_

 ** _husk_** : this is so sad alastor play despacito

 ** _alastor_** : no

 ** _husk_** : fucker

**_totally no drugs_** : what the _fuck_ just happened

 ** _raging lesbian_** : i don't know if that was a good or bad idea

 ** _alastor_** : it's an amazing idea

 ** _niffty_** : wait you all had a group chat and didn't tell us????

 ** _niffty_** : :(

 ** _almighty royal_** : wait no

 ** _alastor_** : i will dismember you all

 ** _husk_** : if this happens again i Will Fight All Of You

 ** _niffty_** : :)

 ** _husk_** : amazing

 ** _almighty royal_** : that was terrifying and wholesome. 10/10

 ** _totally no drugs_** : i want to change your names but i am,,,, scared of al mauling me

 ** _alastor_** : as long as it's good i won't

 ** _totally no drugs_** : the pressure is on m e

_[ totally no drugs changed niffty's name to pure tiny thing]_

**_husk_** : it's funnier when you learn that nif has stabbed and killed multiple people before

 ** _raging lesbian_** : _what_

 ** _raging lesbian_** : _wHY_

 ** _pure tiny thing_** : because they were threatening either me, ali, husk or all of us and i had too :(

 ** _almighty royal_** : unrelated but the nicknames give me life

_[ totally no drugs changed husk's name to alcoholic boomer]_

**_alcoholic boomer_** : what the fuck

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : that's such a fucking lie i was born in 1900's

 ** _alastor_** _:_ old

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : fuck off

_[ totally no drugs changed alastor's name to cannibalistic deer man]_

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : i'm surprised you're able to spell that

 ** _totally no drugs_** : i just gave you a name and you decide to roast me??? smh

 ** _raging lesbian_** : yeah well you deserved it

 ** _cannibalistic deer man_** : husk it's your turn to buy food

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : no it's not

 ** _pure tiny thing_** : it is

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : nif did it last time and it's supposed to be your turn

 ** _cannibalistic deer man_** : i did double before her because you were sick so now you have to pay back by taking over my spot and your spot

**_alcoholic boomer_** : that is. fucking. _bullshit_

 ** _pure tiny thing_** : it's only fair that you also did double

 ** _raging lesbian_** : what the fuck

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : you guys didn't tell us you had a group chat so we're flooding it now

 ** _almighty royal_** : you should do the double spots to pay back

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : fine

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : you guys are ganging up on me and i don't like it

 ** _cannibalistic deer man_** : _go_

_[ alcoholic boomer is offline]_

**_almighty royal_** : wait, do you three live together?

 ** _pure tiny thing_** : yes !!

 ** _pure tiny thing_** : we have for years now !

 ** _almighty royal_** : that is _adorable_

 ** _totally no drugs_** : a L JUST QUOTED A VINE???? 

**_raging lesbian_** : are you shitting me

 ** _totally no drugs_** : N O????

 ** _totally no drugs_** : I WAS READING A RECIPE BOOK AND HE JUST. SAID TO ME. "OH I DIDN'T KNOW YOU CAN READ, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JARED, 19"

 ** _raging lesbian_** : bullsh it

 ** _cannibalistic deer man_** : and where is your proof?

 ** _totally no drugs_** : _you were there you motherf UCKER_

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : _and what is your proof?_

 ** _totally no drugs_** : asjkadjhd

_━━━━━━━━━━━━━━_

**_two furries one midget_ **

_[10:46 am]_

_[ edgy wendigo and stabby times are online]_

**_edgy wendigo_** : _@old man furry_ where the hell are you

_[ old man furry is online]_

**_old man furry_** : im fuckin walking here

 ** _stabby times_** : be faster !!

 ** _old man furry_** : why

 ** _edgy wendigo_** : angel keeps whining about you taking long and wanting a drink

 ** _edgy wendigo_** : it's annoying me

 ** _stabby times_** : please he looks like he's gonna kill angel

 ** _old man furry_** : what the fuck do you want me to do? fly??

 ** _edgy wendigo_** : yes.

 ** _stabby times_** : please :(

 ** _old man furry_** : i am go nna

 ** _stabby times_** : thanks uwu

_━━━━━━━━━━━━━━_

**_owo what's this?_ **

_[10:54 am]_

_[everyone is online]_

**_alcoholic boomer_** : i just fuckin love it when i just fly above our turf and see people just looking up at me in mild fear

 ** _cannibalistic deer man_** : wrong chat

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : f uck

 ** _almighty royal_** : wait,, _our_ turf??

 ** _totally no drugs_** : you have your own turf?? what the fuck you never told me????

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : i do nt

 ** _pure tiny thing_** : the south part of the pentagram is still al's but everyone there is scared of all three of us

 ** _pure tiny thing_** : so we just,,, started calling it our turf and it just kinda stuck ???

 ** _raging lesbian_** : wh-- why are they scared of you three

 ** _cannibalistic deer man_** : because they help me in turf wars and during my carnage

 ** _alcoholic boomer_** : which is now the reason they fear us

 ** _raging lesbian_** : what the f uck

 ** _cannibalistic deer man_** : :)


	2. murder, phone backstories and monopoly suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alcoholic boomer: h OLY FUCKING SHIT AL JUST BLENDERED A PHONE 
> 
> totally no drugs: W HAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god im so sorry for not posting life is stress rn with a presentation tomorrow, semester exams and really bad friendship drama with my (ex) best friend :(  
> so unfortunately this will probably be either shitty or short im sorr y
> 
> also how the f uck did this get 100+ kudos ????? this is literally word vomit wh  
> and everyone's so nice in the comments??? like stop being so nice please this fic is so b ad
> 
> fyi to anyone who want's to actually say my name, call me luna
> 
> see to the end to see my reaction to 122 kudos and 799 hits with my shitty alastor drawing

**_two furries one midget_ **

_[12:58 pm]_

_[everyone is online]_

**_stabby times_** : hey allie next time can you please carry your meal it's hard to clean the bloodstains :(

**_edgy wendigo_** : of course, although this particular demon is quite heavy

**_old man furry_** : are you seriously gonna broadcast this right at the hotel

**_edgy wendigo_** : i make my room soundproof for a reason

**_old man furry_** : good point

**_stabby times_** : i'll distract the others !

**_old man furry_** : and i'll bring uno, popcorn and monopoly after you're done

**_edgy wendigo_** :)

_━━━━━━━━━━━━━━_

**_owo what's this?_ **

_[1:00 pm]_

_[everyone is online]_

**_totally no drugs_** : why the _fuck_ is there bloodstains on the lobby floor

**_raging lesbian_** : there's what now

**_almighty royal_** : wait w hat

**_totally no drugs_** : i come down for a drink and i just see??? bloodstains???? on the floor???

**_pure tiny thing_** : sorry ! im not done cleaning it

**_raging lesbian_** : that's ok but _where did they come from_

**_almighty royal_** : _@alcoholic boomer_ did you see it??

**_alcoholic boomer_** : when i came back i just saw niffty cleaning the floor

**_raging lesbian_** : where the hell did you go??

**_alcoholic boomer_** : to the kitchen to, you know, get food

**_almighty royal_** : what about alastor?

**_pure tiny thing_** : oh !! he's in his room to do some paperwork

**_raging lesbian_** : so then who else made the bloodstain?????

**_totally no drugs_** : how the fuck are we supposed to know

**_almighty royal_** : alright let's just drop it for now,,, we'll figure it out later

**_raging lesbian_** : fine..

**_pure tiny thing_** : also husk, allie and i are gonna go out at 3

**_totally no drugs_** : why

**_alcoholic boomer_** : it's to meet with another overlord

**_totally no drugs_** : then why are you two coming???

**_alcoholic boomer_** : you invite one of us, you invite all three of us

**_pure tiny thing_** : it's simple really !!

_━━━━━━━━━━━━━━_

**_owo what's this?_ **

_[3:12 pm]_

_[ alcoholic boomer and pure tiny thing is online]_

**_alcoholic boomer_** : h OLY FUCKING SHIT AL JUST BLENDERED A PHONE

_[ totally no drugs and almighty royal is online]_

**_totally no drugs_** : W HAT

_pure tiny thing sent a video_

**_totally no drugs_** : holy s hit

**_almighty royal_** : wait are you guys with vox??

**_pure tiny thing_** : y es

**_raging lesbian_** : but,,, _why_

_[ cannibalistic deer man is online]_

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : where else do you think we got phones?

**_totally no drugs_** : h

**_totally no drugs_** : i thought u hated vox??????

**_pure tiny thing_** : he does

**_alcoholic boomer_** : but we decided on a truce just for territorial reasons

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : and that truce is learning each other's technology

**_almighty royal_** : but hush, niffty, why are you there??

**_pure tiny thing_** : because if you ask for one of us

**_alcoholic boomer_** : you're asking for all of us

**_totally no drugs_** : i already said that???????

**_almighty royal_** : sorry!!! i didn't see

**_totally no drugs_** : it's o k

_━━━━━━━━━━━━━━_

**_owo what's this?_ **

_[4: 28 pm]_

_[ raging lesbian, totally no drugs and almighty royal is online]_

**_raging lesbian_** : did i hear a loud cry of pain or is that just me

**_almighty royal_** : i heard it too

**_totally no drugs_** : and husk isn't at the bar

**_raging lesbian_** : _suspicious_

_[ cannibalistic deer man_ _is online]_

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : that was h usudghjja,jfjl

_[ pure tiny thing is online]_

**_pure tiny thing_** _:_ h USK TACKLED AL I'M S ORYRR

**_totally no drugs_** : _what the fuck_

_[ alcoholic boomer is online]_

**_alcoholic boomer_** : monopoly

**_raging lesbian_** : fair enough

**_almighty royal_** : what h appened???

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : i got husk into jail

**_alcoholic boomer_** : yeah and you're a fuckin b itch

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : if you want to find one then just look in a mirror

**_totally no drugs_** : o HHH

**_pure tiny thing_** : allie n o

**_alcoholic boomer_** : at this rate im surprised our friendship lasted for nearly six decades

**_pure tiny thing_** : me too honestly

* * *

me, seeing my one chapter word vomit fic get 122 kudos and 799 hits:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u wanna see more of my shitty art find my instagram as lunay_sulfric_acid
> 
> also in the video just imagine that scene in helluva boss where blitzo crushes his phone and puts it though a blender but except it's alastor doing it (he's standing near a table) and there's a"W AIT I WAS KIDDING--" in the background in ur headcanon vox voice with husk just laughing his ass off


	3. despacito and lost pocket knives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alcoholic boomer: if i hear into the unknown one more time i will throw myself out the window  
> [pure tiny thing is online]  
> alcoholic boomer: wait no  
> pure tiny thing: I NTO THE UNKNOWSNNSBDLD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR OVER A MONTH I DIDN'T ABANDON THIS I PROMISE
> 
> not going to lie but i kind forgot about this,, why you ask? i might've been dragged harshly into the fandom of one trio of minecraft youtubers and now im neck-deep in it  
> that and school just started today and u know how school drops ur mood and such? that's me rn
> 
> it's a short chapter but i just wanted to give you guys content?? im so sorry i kind of forced myself to write this because i may or may not be loosing motivation to write in general  
> but it'll probably come back with a bang in a few months, that's how i work am sorry (squared)
> 
> also i don't really know any other events to write? if you guys have a prompt that can be told over text you can just write it down in the comments and if i like it i'll use it (with credit ofc)  
> one rule is that it should be either a brotp or no ship because have u seen the tags of this work??? but small hints of charlie x vaggie is fine because it's canon
> 
> if u read this far why did u do it?? why'd u care enough to read my shitty ramblings wh--

**_owo what's this?_ **

_[10:07 am]_

_[ raging lesbian, almighty royalty and totally no drugs is online]_

**_raging lesbian_** : why the _fuck_ do i hear despacito

**_almighty royalty_** : you guys hear it too??

**_raging lesbian_** : yeah, with laughter too

**_totally no drugs_** : bet it's from the murder trio or smth

_[ alcoholic boomer is online]_

**_alcoholic boomer_** : AL ACTUALLY PLAYE D DESPACITO I JSY

**_totally no drugs_** : i fucking _called it_

**_almighty royal_** : what happened this time

**_alcoholic boomer_** : a bet, a joke and sarcasm

**_raging lesbian_** : _what??_

**_almighty royal_** : it stopped

**_totally no drugs_** : no shit, princess

**_raging lesbian_** : where the fuck did husk go? he's not answering anything

**_alcoholic boomer_** : if i hear into the unknown one more time i will throw myself out the window

_[ pure tiny thing is online]_

**_alcoholic boomer_** : wait no

**_pure tiny thing_** : I NTO THE UNKNOWSNNSBDLD

**_totally no drugs_** : what the fuck

_[ cannibalistic deer man is online]_

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : niffty has been singing 'into the unknown' for the past half hour

**_raging lesbian_** : h

**_almighty royal_** : what was that shattering sound?

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : husk actually jumped out the window i

**_almighty royal_** : w HAT

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

**_two furries one midget_ **

_[11:14 pm]_

_[everyone is online]_

**_stabby times_** : have any of you seen my pocket knife ??

**_old man furry_** : nah, why

**_stabby times_** : it's not in my dress pocket and i tried to find it and it isn't there ????

**_edgy wendigo_** : have you tried in my room?

**_stabby times_** : i have but it's still not there ??!?!?!?

**_stabby times_** : i've had it for the longest time i don't wanna loose it !!!

**_old man furry_** : we'll help you then

**_edgy wendigo_** : i'll ask around

**_old man furry_** : then i'll check the rooms

**_stabby times_** : t hank you !!

**_edgy wendigo_** : no problem!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

**_owo what's this?_ **

_[11:57 pm]_

_[ raging lesbian ,almighty royal, totally no drugs and cannibalistic deer man is online]_

**_totally no drugs_** : why the fuck did al ask me about a pocket knife

**_almighty royal_** : he asked me too

**_raging lesbian_** : same

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : well, niffty has lost her pocket knife and i just wanted to know if any of you had seen it

**_almighty royal_** : i haven't but i can help!

**_raging lesbian_** : i'm free so i guess i can

**_totally no drugs_** : fuck it im helping

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : great! i'm searching the lobby and questioning other demon, husk is searching the rooms and nif is searching on the upper floors

**_raging lesbian_** : i'll help with the rooms

**_almighty royalty_** : and i can help question the guests!

**_totally no drugs_** : that leaves me with looking at the upper floors and attic then

**_cannibalistic deer man_** : the roles are set up so now let's start!

_[ cannibalistic deer man is offline]_

**_totally no drugs_** : before we do our shit i want to say that its so wholesome of al and husk to help niffty

**_almighty royal_** : i know right??

**_raging lesbian_** : ok now g O

**_totally no drugs_** : calm your tits im coming

_[everyone is offline]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hint for fandom i was dragged in:  
> 14  
> that's it lmao

**Author's Note:**

> @ people who saw my other work:  
> friendship ended with d:bh, now hazbin hotel is my best friend


End file.
